Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.

No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I'll bet he can't invent a good meal out of one.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.