Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity's door if you ardently wish to enter.

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!