They call it the Latin Quarter because nobody there is Latin and nobody has a quarter.

A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.