The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

If you let women have their way, you will generally get even with them in the end.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.