The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.