Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

Take me ham away, take away my eggs, even my Chili, but leave me my newspaper.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.