American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.