That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election.

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it.

Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.