There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.
I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.