It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is that the Democrat is a cannibal, they live off each other, while the Republicans live off the Democrats.

Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.