Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Politicians are just a bunch of local bandits, sent by their local voters to raid the public treasury.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.