One way to solve the traffic problem is to keep all the cars that are not paid for off the streets.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.

I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.

The US is safest when Congress is in recess.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.