The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

Some say, what is the Salvation of the Movies? I say, run 'em backwards. It can't hurt 'em and it's worth a trial.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?