Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.

I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange and exciting tingling sensation from.

Don't wait to buy land, Buy land and wait. Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

The budget is like a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, then reaches in and tries to pull real ones out.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.