One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.