The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is that the Democrat is a cannibal, they live off each other, while the Republicans live off the Democrats.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.

That's the trouble with our charities; we are always saving somebody away off, when the fellow next to us ain't eating.

American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.