Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time. But it isn't necessary.

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment

That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.