I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

If you are trying to get out of the hole, stop digging.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.