There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to a select few.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.