I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.