If you don't have malice in our heart, it doesn't come across harsh.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

We have the best Congress that money can buy.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'