Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.

What's considered enough money? Just a little bit more.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.