Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I'll bet he can't invent a good meal out of one.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

He [Calvin Coolidge] is the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

Politicians are just a bunch of local bandits, sent by their local voters to raid the public treasury.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.