Take me ham away, take away my eggs, even my Chili, but leave me my newspaper.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.