A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity's door if you ardently wish to enter.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

Common sense ain't common.