A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.

We have killed more people celebrating our independence day than we lost fighting for it.