When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

Nobody wants to be called common people, especially common people.