I don't know how a lot of these nations existed as long as they have till we could get some of our people around and show 'em how to be good and pure like us.

In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.

There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.