Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.