If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

What would we say if the Chinese sent a gunboat with their marines up the Mississippi River claiming they were protecting their laundries in Memphis?

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.