What would we say if the Chinese sent a gunboat with their marines up the Mississippi River claiming they were protecting their laundries in Memphis?

America is the first country where people go to the poor house in their car.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.

Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.

With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.