With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

The minute a thing is long and complicated, it confuses. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept, but they are understood.

There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?