You know, a Communist's whole life work is based on complaint of how everything is done.... So if they ever get their country running good they will defeat their own cause.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'