I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.