Every day you meet a delegation going to some convention to try and change the way of somebody else's life.

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.