There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help them back to bed again.

I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.

Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.