There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.

It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.