People should be more concerned with the return of their principal than the return on their principal.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.

American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.

My father was one-eighth Cherokee indian and my mother was quarter-blood Cherokee. I never got far enough in arithmetic to figure out how much injun that made me, but there's nothing of which I am more proud than my Cherokee blood.

If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.