In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.

The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.

On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.