If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

If a man ain't nothin' else, then he's an artist. It's the only thing he can claim to be that nobody can prove he ain't.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.