A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

So the question rises: How much liberty can you get away with? Well, you get no more liberty than you give!

Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.