The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.