Ninety percent of life is just showing up.

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

I see the glass half full...but of poison.