Hookers don't like to snuggle.

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, "You've probably got a woman at every port." Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.