I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.

The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.