I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, "You've probably got a woman at every port." Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.

Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.