As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.