There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.