We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.