We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.