But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they're part of the same ilk.

People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.