I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.

You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

My comfort zone is press conferences.