Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me'. Being popular is poison.

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.