American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.